Can you say awkward? Lesson in staying in the interview game

While I was driving to Sacramento for an education policy conference yesterday (aka something to fill the time of unemployment), I got a call about a job interview as a counselor at a middle school in Oakland. Since the interview was the next day it meant that had to leave the conference early and go straight from the conference to the interview. I was slightly paranoid about getting to the interview on time for two reasons: first, I spoke with the principal about the interview while I was in an obnoxiously loud Starbucks so I was worried about whether she had actually said 2pm (which is what I heard) and second, the 80 freeway in Richmond can often be a disaster of traffic to which you never know how long it will take to get through. So to ease this strife, I gave myself more than enough time and took my bagged lunch to go. After an interview pump up song – “Saturday in the Park” (by Chicago), I got to the interview and was feeling good in my suit, heels, and straightened hair. I walked in confidently, smiling at the people in the school lobby, and sat at the waiting chair. All of a sudden, the (amazing) security guard walked up to me and I froze. She pointed at me to go down the hallway with her – which could seem that I was getting in trouble for some mysterious reason, but I knew exactly what she meant. THERE WAS A FEMALE INSTICT BETWEEN OUR EYES and I knew = there was something on my ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She told me there was a blood spot “right on my crack.” Although I was embarrassed, I totally didn’t believe it because I wasn’t on my period. Walking down the hall to the batrhroom was f-ing mortifing, particularly because the four ladies who were sitting with the secutiry guard in the lobby must have seen “my situation” as well! In the bathroom I look and there is a big visible red spot on the outside (mysteriously not on the inside) of my tight khaki dress pants. I want to laugh at the fact that I walked so confidently in my heels & suit passed those ladies! Now I have nothing else to wear since I’ve just come straight from the conference (thank God I was early so the saint of a security guard could save my life). I had a huge computer messenger bag which I had to lower to cover my bum, but I tried to hold it together and not sprint out of the school to run and hide. As I continued to wait, the security guard again walked up to me and pointed to the back of the office where she handed me two huge pads packaged in bright pink cardboard. I am (still) not on my period so I don’t know what to say to her; I cringed in accepting one of the pad, fearful that something way more terrible might happen in the actual interview, like these huge pads, that only middle schools pass out, might fall out of my bag! Meanwhile it’s 85 degrees and I’m in a suit, so I’m already bright red! So I sit and try to act as normal as possible. Holding my bag over my ass at all times, I went in to the interview. (Next – you can imagine me sliding in and out of a middle school-sized chair in the makeshift interview room.) Somehow I rocked the interview and felt slightly confident knowing that these school personnel across the table didn’t know what was going down on my backside. Afterwards, I sheepishly walked out of the building, wave with non-verbal graciousness to the security guard, while continuing to  clutch my bag over my ass. I basically sprint to my car, dying to be alone and to not feel like such an awkward middle schooler! Yet, before I hopped in the car, I found the culprit – a sundried tomato from the sandwich I was eating while driving to the interview!

Moral of the story – Always stay present during in your interview – regardless of the circumstances around you or “upon” you. Thank the people who help you in awkward times, mostly for averting you from facing even greater mortification than them having to point out the embarrassing spinach in your teeth, spot on your ass, sliding tupe, or exposed breast beneath an unbuttoned blouse. Avoiding sun dried tomatoes in general might also be good too.